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The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge

Author: The Onion
ISBN: 9780316216913
Size: 47.99 MB
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Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live' Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever' Do you have cash' Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE is packed with valuable information-such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge

Author: The Onion
Publisher: Little Brown & Company
ISBN: 9780316133265
Size: 28.59 MB
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This collection of facts, illustrations, and informational tidbits from the satirical news organization includes data on the life stages of an Aunt; places to commit suicide in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket.

Our Dumb World

Author: The Onion, Inc.
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 9780316018432
Size: 16.19 MB
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OUR DUMB WORLD is the world's most comprehensive fake atlas: a repository of all known information about the planet Earth (except where covered by clouds). In late 2007 the hardcover edition became one of the hottest books of the holiday season, entertaining and offending hundreds of thousands of readers around the globe. This new, easy-to-carry paperback edition is perfect for the intrepid traveler to any of the world's exotic locales--from Afghanistan, "Allah's Cat Box," to Ukraine, "the Bridebasket of Europe," to the USA's own Nevada, "Where Everyone's a Loser." Packed with beautiful full-color maps and framed with inaccurate essays about all the world's peoples and places, OUR DUMB WORLD is a gut-busting send-up in which no nation escapes unscathed. "Bottom line: laughed my head off." --Deirdre Donahue, USA Today

Our Dumb Century

Author: Scott Dikkers
Publisher: Crown Pub
ISBN: 0307393577
Size: 33.21 MB
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The staff of The Onion presents a satirical collection of mock headlines and news stories, including an account of the Pentagon's development of an A-bomb-resistant desk for schoolchildren.

Encyclopedia Paranoiaca

Author: Henry Beard
Publisher: Gerald Duckworth & Co
ISBN: 0715647989
Size: 62.65 MB
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In Encyclopedia Paranoiaca , master satirists Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf have assembled an authoritative, disturbingly comprehensive, and utterly debilitating inventory of things poised to harm, maim, or kill you - all of them based on actual research about the perils of everyday life. Beard and Cerf cite convincing evidence that everyday things we consider healthy - eating leafy greens, flossing, washing our hands - are actually harmful, and items we thought were innocuous - drinking straws, flip-flops, neckties, skinny jeans - pose life-threatening dangers. Did you know that nearly ten thousand people are sent to A&E each year because of escalator accidents? And if you're crossing your legs right now, you're definitely at serious risk. Hilarious, insightful and, at times, downright terrifying, Encyclopedia Paranoiaca brings to light a whole host of hidden threats and looming dooms that make asteroid impacts, planetary pandemics and global warming look like a walk in the park (which is also emphatically not recommended).

Our Front Pages

Author: The Onion
Publisher: Scribner
ISBN: 9781439156926
Size: 34.46 MB
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From The Birth Of A Nation To The Death Of Journalism Since its founding by a bloodthirsty tyrant in 1756, The Onion has not merely changed the way we think about the news -- it has changed whether we think about the news at all. As the first decade of this new millennium draws to a close, Our Front Pages shows us the first thing that presidents, kings, prime ministers, and popes saw when they opened their eyes each morning for the last 21 years. Now you, the common reader and citizen, can see what they saw and be as informed as they were with this important retrospective of the past two decades. You, too, will realize what generations before have realized and generations yet unborn will some day realize in turn: The Onion is not merely the chronicle of America. The Onion is America.

The Ecstasy Of Defeat

Author: Editors of The Onion
Publisher: Hachette Books
ISBN: 1401304494
Size: 38.51 MB
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The Sports Page As You've Never Seen It Before From painfully obvious steroid revelations to sex scandals and superstars who announce trades in over-the-top TV specials, the wide world of sports can often seem too ridiculous for words. Well, attention sports fans: In The Ecstasy of Defeat, the editors of The Onion offer the laugh-out-loud funny and long overdue lampoon of sports culture you've been waiting for. Filled with the very best of The Onion's bench-clearing sports coverage, this book includes such classics as: Lip-Reading BCS Computer Kills Officials Who Want To Shut It Down Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball. Report: Cheap Chinese NBA Players Falling Apart After A Few Seasons. Barbaro's Doctors: "A Horse This Good You Don't Eat All At Once." Lance Armstrong Wants To Tell Nation Something But Nation Has To Promise Not To Get Mad. No topic escapes the satirical slap of America's Finest News Source, and the book covers not only mainstream sports--such as baseball, basketball, and football--but also lesser sports, sports culture, and special events like the World Cup and the Olympics. Featuring all the players, teams, and sports we love--and love to hate--The Ecstasy of Defeat is a must-read for sports nuts and Onion fans alike.

Dispatches From The Tenth Circle

Author: Robert Siegel
Publisher: Three Rivers Press (CA)
ISBN: 0609808346
Size: 29.70 MB
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Collects articles from The Onion satirizing people and issues including legislators, religion, small towns, anti-tobacco propaganda, celebrities, and Starbucks.

The Trump Leaks

Author: The Editors of the Onion
Publisher: Harper Design
ISBN: 9780062834263
Size: 50.43 MB
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The Onion, the nation's sole beacon of truth in an era besieged by darkness and lies, has fearlessly published hundreds of classified documents obtained from an anonymous whistleblower deep within the Trump White House. From top secret national security briefings hand-colored in crayon by President Trump, to encrypted e-mails sent by Kremlin operatives, to Vice President Pence's impure thoughts about the Morton Salt girl, the earth-shattering revelations contained within The Trump Leaks are all but certain to topple the president and alter the very arc of global history. With this soon-to-be Pulitzer-winning work of investigative reportage, America's Finest News Source has selflessly provided the world with its first and only glimpse inside the hidden workings and tortured minds of the Trump Administration.