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Toys 4 Cheap Catalog

Author: Asterios Kokkinos
Publisher: SCB Distributors
ISBN: 1942099266
Size: 77.97 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
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Parents on an absurdly tight budget love Toys "4" Cheap, the #1 source for used, defective, and highly questionable playthings. This illustrated catalog features toys like the Magic 1-Ball, My Digital Stepdad, and The Smorfs (collect all two!). Make your selections, call us at (555) TOY-FUPB, then pick up your items at one of two convenient Montana Badlands locations. "We will NEVER have a website!"

Toys 4 Cheap

Author: Asterios Kokkinos
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781942099116
Size: 48.70 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
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This hilarious catalog of insane and dangerous toys by Asterios Kokkinos (Something Awful) and Jimmy Hasse (The Onion) is a sharp and unrelenting satire of yesteryear s most beloved playthings. Toys 4 Cheap is your #1 source for overlooked and discontinued toys like the Magic 1-Ball, My Digital Stepdad, and The Lack of Self-Care Bears. Make your selections, call (555) TOY-FUPB, then pick up your items at one of two convenient Montana Badlands locations. Remember: We put the "fun" in "No Refunds!""

F Ck Whales

Author: Maddox
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1476794987
Size: 75.70 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
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A collection of satirical, crass, comedic essays from famed Internet personality and New York Times bestselling author Maddox, of the infamous website The Best Page in the Universe. In this third book from Maddox, the reigning king of Internet satire delivers a collection of humorous, unapologetic essays in the same voice that propelled him into comedic stardom. With all-new material, F*ck Whales delivers on his personal brand of satire, complete with self-promotion, petty rants, and brilliant essays on anything and everything Maddox deems worthy of his ire.

Men Are Better Than Women

Author: Dick Masterson
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 9781416959199
Size: 62.54 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
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Through a process of exhaustive man research he calls "keeping his eyes open," Dick Masterson has compiled a Magnum-size list of the ways men are better than women. It is an infallible compendium of man's greatness, filled with the most egregiously fallacious arguments ever put to words, but with some kind of miraculous, rock-solid man logic dripping like motor oil from every sentence. It is a manifesto more memorable than bullshit like High Fidelity or which Axe baby powder Maxim thinks you should slap on your nuts before clubbing, more chock-full of devastating man quotes than Oscar Wilde with two wangs. Most important, it is the only one of its kind. In Men Are Better Than Women, Dick Masterson dispenses logic from his man mouth into the eyes of his male readers like some kind of mighty mother man eagle with nutrient-rich word vomit. It's a book that makes you feel like driving a train into a dynamite factory and then tearing a telephone book apart with your bare hands, just because that's the way men have always done it. Masterson's chapters are simple and self-contained, demand no commitments from readers, and have an immediate payoff. Men Are Better Than Women is a dangerous work of satire -- not dangerous in a revolutionary sense, but dangerous in that it walks the razor-thin line between cruelty and absurdity. That line is called hilarious.

Crappy Children S Art

Author: Maddox
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1439182884
Size: 18.21 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
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The essayist for TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com presents an irreverent critique of children's artwork that includes a deconstruction of a crayon-drawn family portrait and a scathing analysis of an insecure camper's letter home.

The Higher Man

Author: Dick Masterson
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781523770731
Size: 42.42 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
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It should be first and foremost noted that the following text is intended to constitute an adaptable philosophy as opposed to a literal religion. And it is, of course, extraordinarily important to consciously distinguish the difference--religion being the active pursuit of either higher knowledge or power by metaphysical means; philosophies the attempt to assimilate and appropriate the meaning of all action (more specifically, an attempt to assign plausible, if not theoretical, cause to effect in an effort to compose an appropriately aggregated antiquity of applicable experiences and subequent summations thereof).While the general themes of this text allude to principles of balance, it should also be prevailingly noted that this is in no way a respective reference to traditional nor contemporary concepts. The balance that this book suggests is more an active, kinetic, and dichotomic process than it is an effort to remain stabilized between, or among, two (2) mediums.The distinguishable differences being thus: that pendulums know no pause, and a clock atrophied keeps poor time. Moreover, that the pervasive point of the latter, therein, is to provoke as opposed to placate.For you are not a vessel! You are neither conductor nor conduit, but rather the music of life itself--riddled both with the individualistic propensities of character and creativity.Be ye modes of merriment, if thou willest.Statera per divisionem. In lunctus incongruentia..VIIIV.

The Triflers

Author: Frederick Orin Bartlett
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781406592207
Size: 36.13 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
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Frederick Orin Bartlett (1876-1945) wrote some of his books under the pseudonym William Carleton. His most famous works include: The Seventh Noon (1908), The Web of the Golden Spider (1909), The Red Geranium (1915), The Wall Street Girl (1916), One Year of Pierrot (1917), The Triflers (1917) and Jane and I (1922). "For a man to keep himself consistently amused for ten years after his graduation from college, even with an inheritance to furnish ample financial assistance, suggests a certain quality of genius. This much Monte Covington had accomplished-accomplished, furthermore, without placing himself under obligations of any sort to the opposite sex. He left no trail of broken hearts in his wake. If some of the younger sisters of the big sisters took the liberty of falling in love with him secretly and in the privacy of their chambers, that was no fault of his, and did neither them nor him the slightest harm. "

A Child Called It

Author: Dave Pelzer
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
ISBN: 0757396070
Size: 18.72 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
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This book chronicles the unforgettable account of one of the most severe child abuse cases in California history. It is the story of Dave Pelzer, who was brutally beaten and starved by his emotionally unstable, alcoholic mother: a mother who played tortuous, unpredictable games--games that left him nearly dead. He had to learn how to play his mother's games in order to survive because she no longer considered him a son, but a slave; and no longer a boy, but an "it." Dave's bed was an old army cot in the basement, and his clothes were torn and raunchy. When his mother allowed him the luxury of food, it was nothing more than spoiled scraps that even the dogs refused to eat. The outside world knew nothing of his living nightmare. He had nothing or no one to turn to, but his dreams kept him alive--dreams of someone taking care of him, loving him and calling him their son.

1 2 3 Parenting With Heart

Author: Thomas Phelan
Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.
ISBN: 1492653039
Size: 15.43 MB
Format: PDF
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Based on the bestselling parenting book, 1-2-3 Magic, and adapted for a Christian lifestyle In 1-2-3 Parenting with Heart, Dr. Thomas W. Phelan and pastor Chris Webb teach Christian parents to take charge while refraining from yelling, leading to better behaved children, happier parents, and a more peaceful home environment. Complete with relevant Bible verses, explanations, and exercises, this guide allows you to get back in charge of your home and enjoy your kids again by helping you set limits for your children, and by breaking down the complex task of parenting into three straightforward steps: • Controlling Obnoxious Behavior: Learn an amazingly simple technique to get the kids to STOP doing what you don't want them to do (whining, arguing, tantrums, sibling rivalry, etc.). • Encouraging Good Behavior: Learn several effective methods to get your kids to START doing what you want them to do (picking up, eating, going to bed-and staying there!, chores, etc.). • Strengthening Your Relationships: Learn powerful techniques that reinforce the bond between you and your children. You'll find tools to use in virtually every situation, including advice for common problems such as: • Whining • Sibling rivalry • Reluctance to do chores • Talking back • Refusing to go to bed or getting up in the middle of the night • Stubbornness For years, millions of parents from all over the world have used the award-winning 1-2-3 Magic program to help them raise happier, healthier families and put the fun back into parenting.